I don’t know what consciousness is. I don’t think anyone does. Maybe its some secret of quantum physics. Or maybe its just a really complicated series of neurons firing at the same time, and with a big enough network of transistors it could be mechanically recreated. Either way, I hope no one finds out. I have enough to worry about between school and work and I don’t need the weight of knowing how to quantify my very existence. I do know, however, than consciousness in any form relies on energy (citation needed, but again, I don’t concern myself too hard with it). And energy can’t be created or destroyed. Therefore, I will live forever. Or something like that.

Ingredients:
8 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup (packed) light brown sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup peanut butter
1 and 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

There’s a thought experiment I really like called Quantum immortality. I’m sitting in a room with a button. I hit the button, and some random quantum event spits out a 0 or a 1. If its a 0, everything is fine and dandy. If its a 1, the nuclear bomb sitting in my lap detonates. Every time I hit this button, living is a 50/50 chance. If I we’re a gambling man, I’d say those are bad odds. Fortunately, I’m not a man, for I’m non-binary, so I’ll hit the button. 

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit. Cover 2 baking sheets in parchment paper, or lightly grease.

The first time I hit the button, there’s a 50% chance I’ll live, the second, 25%, 12.5%, and so on. By the 200th time I hit the button, surviving would only be a 6.22e-59% chance. Yet here I am, hitting the button 201 times, then 202, and 203. 

Beat together the butter, sugar (white and brown), egg, vanilla, and peanut butter until its nice and smooth. Add the flour, baking soda, and salt. Beat gently until combined and the dough is stiff. Add a little water if the dough isn’t holding together.

There’s a few ways to interpret these results. If your a philosopher of the human condition, you’d say this is just a metaphor for the repetitive and meaningless tasks we do in life until we die. This is boring. Maybe you’re a statistician, thinking I’m very lucky, and somewhere out there lives a thoroughly confused Grim Reaper. This is very unlikely. I, however, believe in the Many Worlds Theory, and thus, will live forever (citation needed).

Place balls of dough the size of a tablespoon on the cookie sheets 2 inches apart. Use a fork to flatten the balls to about ½ inch thick.

I hit the button once, quantum nonsense happens, and the bomb doesn’t go off, and I don’t live. Instead, the universe fractures into two. One where I live, and one where I die. Since by its very definition, I cannot experience death (citation needed), I follow the branch where my consciousness continues, and I live. Again and again I hit the button, and again and again the universe splits, thrusting myself into another reality where I keep on living. Think Schrödinger's Cat, but me. Schrödinger's baker.

Bake the cookies for 12 to 16 minutes, until the edges just barely start to brown. Remove, cool, and eat.

Whether its from a nuclear device in a nice laptop form-factor or some other event, upon my death, I will change realities and continue to live, forever. Do I really believe this? No. Even the people who spend more than a shower’s worth of time thinking about it don’t believe it. But its nice to think about. Because all I really want is enough time. Enough time to make art, and to love, and to eat peanut butter cookies.